Fur Again.

This Fur vest is beginning to go with everything I wear. So I couldn’t help myself to wear this romper and tights because it was slightly warm outside and the weekend. i am starting to accept my bangs. They don’t look that bad when my hair is down now. They’re already growing out a little. Yay!

Romper: Urban Outfitters

Belt: Forever 21

Tights: Urban Outfitters

Oxfords: Steve Madden, Macys

Fur Vest: American Rag, Macys

So, Lola found a bunch of new cool music the other night. I am currently obsessed with the song “Honestly” by Blue Sky Black Death. It is so beautiful.

I’ve been sleeping weird again. Nocturnal Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Slept 3 hours each day. Last night I fell asleep while listening to music around 11pm. Which was surprising and unexpected. Woke up a million times throughout the night however. Kept blacking out in class today. I feel like my insides are dry.

My birthday is in a week. Doesn’t even feel like it at all. Lola is taking me to sushi for my birthday and I’m getting packages from a few friends. People are too nice to me.

Love is stupid. The one time I finally accept love it’s destroyed. I fell in love with a robot. An imaginary person. I once again believe in what I always did. I will never love. I want to die alone. That’s what I always wanted, I don’t know why I let myself accept love and I don’t know why I thought I would like to die alone together with anyone. That’s not me.

I lost my best friend this year. And I try texting her and calling her constantly. There is never any reply. It hurts. But if that’s what she wants then I can’t change that, I guess. I miss her face. I miss our conversations. I miss laughing. I miss texting. I miss venting. I miss all of it. Lola is really becoming someone special in my life though. She is always there to talk with me. When I can’t sleep all night she stays up with me and massages my head or just sits with me. She hugs me when I cry. She listens when I talk. She tells me things she hasn’t told other people. It makes me feel special. She gives me music. As much as I miss my old friend. She is completing me.

It’s funny how life works. There was a girl I always was so impressed by in high school. I always thought she was so genuine and was always herself no matter what. I respected that. I hoped people looked at me and thought what I thought of her. I always wanted to be her friend. I wanted to to talk to her in class. If I could get her to laugh I felt really happy because it meant she noticed me. It wasn’t a girl crush, I just wanted her to be my friend. Late one night I kept thinking how I should just write her on facebook. I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind so I signed on, and did. She was online we started talking and laughing about funny memories in math class our junior year in high school. It was fun. She was in a spot in her life where she seemed to want new people in her life, just like I do. We have been keeping in touch since. We are so similar yet so different. This summer I want to hang out with her a lot because I honestly see her as someone who I could really be friends with for a long time, if not forever.

My mind is spinning in so many directions. I have around 5 weeks left of school. I just want to put all my energy into that and pull out some good grades for my parents sake.

Prank calls, late nights, alligator tears, sparkly nail polish, mexican candy, writing songs, one dollar Spongebob Squarepants watches and skyping are putting a smile on my face.

Keep winning. Keep failing. XOXO Dani K

 

“I like you, and I think if you thought about it you’d know you want me too, cause I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you. If I could I’d kiss your lips so hard your entire face would bruise. Write your name in blood on every wall, it would make the evening news. I’d chain our feet together so you could never leave. I’d make you love me so much you’d have to ask permission to breathe.” – I Want You, Summer Camp.